Peace in Ourselves

We are all searching for peace, all the time, with every action. If we look at animals in nature, we can see that peace is the natural state…until they need something. If they need food, they take action. If they perceive a threat, they take action. Once the action has fulfilled its purpose, they return to peace. They don’t seek more than they need, they don’t waste energy doing things they don’t need to do. They are in tune with their feelings and so, when they are not being driven by a feeling to get a need met, they are satisfied. They are at peace.

We were once fully living in tune with nature. We would once have been living by the same instincts of being at peace and being satisfied…until we weren’t. And once we were in need of something, we would get a feeling that would drive us to action to get that need met. Therefore, for human beings, it is important to start with the realisation that peace is our natural state, and every feeling we have is a mechanism that our complex subconscious minds and bodies employ to help us get our needs met. When our needs are met, we are satisfied, we are content, we are happy, we are back at peace.

The difference between human beings today and human beings living in nature before the agricultural revolution, is that life is infinitely more complex. Life 30,000 years ago was simple but harsh. In contrast, life for the majority of human beings today is relatively much more comfortable but, at the same time, much more complicated. Every bit of progress that human beings have made in terms of creating safer, fairer and more functional societies, or the technological innovations that we now couldn’t imagine living without, was inspired by a feeling that something can be better. A feeling that needs satisfying. Once that thing is better, we can live in more peace and ease and we can’t fully rest, or be completely at peace, until that improvement has been made. So again, we can see that humanity’s progress is being driven by feelings that are trying to bring us back to a state of peace.

The complications in modern life come in the form of expectations. Whether it is to do with our health, our lifestyle, our future, society and our place in it or any other element of life we may have to think about, there are many expectations that are put on us by others and/or that we create for ourselves. When we have an expectation, there will be a feeling attached to drive us to get that expectation met so we can return to peace. One problem with human beings is that our expectations do not always correspond to our needs. Animals living in nature have feelings to get their needs met and once that need is met, the feeling can go away and they can return to peace. Human beings often have inappropriate expectations, either based on what they want, rather than need, or based on something unachievable. Inappropriate expectations make it impossible to be fully at peace.

The difference between animals and humans is that humans have conscious awareness which allows us volition over our actions. We can observe our feelings and expectations and then make a conscious choice about whether to satisfy them or not. If an animal is tired, it tries to rest; if it hungry, it tries to eat; if it is sexually aroused, it tries to mate; if it is feeling under threat, it will try to fight, flee or freeze. There is no great complexity in the life of animals, no overthinking, no great use of the imagination to consider all the possible ramifications. The decisions an animal makes are made in the moment based on the evidence it currently has available. These decisions are made unconsciously and are driven primarily by the overriding instinct of survival.

Humans also have a subconscious part of the brain which performs exactly the same function. Its priority is to safeguard our survival, to keep us alive at all costs. It doesn’t care about context, it is simply tasked with making sure we get our needs met and don’t die. But we also have a conscious part of the brain which does do context, and can understand complexity, and can override the subconscious when it sees that carrying out an action just because we have a certain feeling would be inappropriate in given circumstances. Just because we feel tired, doesn’t mean it is time to rest; just because we feel hungry, doesn’t mean we should eat; just because we feel sexually aroused, doesn’t mean we should try to mate; just because we feel under threat, doesn’t mean we should try to fight, flee or freeze.

It is our conscious brains that have got humanity to a point where we have more comfort, control and security than ever before but that has brought greater complexity to living in a civilised society, therefore a greater range of choice. It is our conscious brains that allow us to feel a much greater range of emotions than just the emotions of survival. It is the conscious brain which allows us access to the emotions of life; the emotions that make life really worth living – so much more than just survival: joy, pleasure, satisfaction, connection, motivation, gratitude, love, etc.. We still possess our instincts when under threat – the feelings of stress. ‘Fear’ in all it’s guises – worry, anxiety, dread, nervousness, anticipation, etc. – underpins all feelings of stress and puts us into survival mode. Once we are in survival mode, the subconscious dominates because survival comes first. We can’t enjoy life if we are dead!

The trouble is that the cells of our brain and body which are all trying to keep us alive and living well are encased in our skull and within the environment of our bodies. They don’t know the difference between a real threat outside of the body or a threat that we are imagining. So our brains and bodies will react just as strongly to a perceived threat as to a real one. If we are scared of something we are imagining, then we are entering into survival mode and the subconscious will begin to dominate and send us feelings that will drive our thoughts that will lead us to take action to ensure our survival so we can return to peace. But so much of what we fear is simply our own perception of threat. We are hardly ever in a real survival situation where it would be better for our subconscious to make instinctive decisions. So much of what we fear is in our own imagination; it is of our own creation. And this fear is preventing us from truly enjoying our lives and accessing the emotions of life.

Generations before us have suffered to get society to where it is today. We have laws designed to give us greater security; we have democracy designed to give us greater control; we have health and social care, again providing us with safety nets; we have access to housing, clean water, fuel and food for comfort and security. It has not always been this way and people throughout history have worked hard and struggled and many have died trying to help society achieve these luxuries which we now take as standard. And there lies some of the problem. Once, what was previously thought of as a luxury becomes standard, it is no longer a luxury. Once something becomes standard, it is expected. Once we have expectations, we will have feelings of stress if they are not met.

So much in society does not work as well as we would like but that has always been the case. There has always been violence and crime. There have always been dangerous people and inherent hardships with living in a complex society. There have always been rulers who sought power and improvements for themselves over the needs of the masses. But statistics show that violence, and death from violence, has been on a decreasing trend since the concept of society began. Humans have never been more peaceful than we are now and we are ever continuing to become more peaceful. We are realising that peace is all we are really seeking. Humanity is being driven by a deeper instinct to return to peace. We are a long way from feeling like we are in a peaceful world but it is important to realise we are moving in that direction. It is impossible to see that when we view our world only from our current position; we can only see that when we step back and see the evolution of humanity in the macro view.

For society, and ultimately the world, to keep heading towards peace – and the urgency for this to happen in terms of saving the living planet, of which we are part and on which we rely, is increasing – comes down to personal responsibility. We cannot control anyone else. Therefore we cannot change anyone else. Therefore it is foolish to expect others to change. These expectations are setting us up for more stress which is preventing us from being at peace. It is our personal responsibility to take care of our health. Being in good health means feeling good. Feeling good means being at peace. Good health = feeling good = contentment = happiness = peace. It is the responsibility of each one of us to take care of our own health and happiness. Only then, when sufficient numbers of us are living and maintaining a state of peace, will the answers and solutions to the greatest challenges to our existence become available. We have to realise that the time is now to stop believing we are merely surviving and start to truly understand how we should be living.

The time has never been more pressing to learn how we can reduce and eliminate stress so that we can maintain a feeling of peace in our own lives. Peace is the platform we need in order to access the higher emotion of love. Stress isolates, separates and divides; love unites. The world needs everyone to come together more than ever to solve the problem of the looming disaster that threatens to destroy everything humanity has worked for. To do this we must first get to a greater peace. We must realise that we are one human tribe. We are all allies; all on the same side. Members of the same tribe are not at war and therefore should not fight each other. Members of the same tribe want the best for each other and therefore should co-operate. Members of the same tribe are therefore not in competition and conflict with each other. Only when we work at eliminating the fear and ignorance which is keeping much of society in survival mode  – and therefore feeling separate, divided and isolated, in a state of perceived threat, therefore having to defend, attack and compete – can we truly start to take the next bold steps that are needed.

Only through first accepting our own personal responsibility to live in peace, can we do our bit for the greater consciousness of humanity to evolve to make the necessary conscious choices to ensure our survival. Ironically, being in survival mode stops us from being at peace but for humanity to survive, we must first be at peace. When we truly take responsibility for personal peace, we start to see how our peace influences others. We can’t set out to change others, but we can be hopeful that our peace will have a beneficial effect on those around us because the landscape of our interactions takes a different form. I will explain the dynamics of peace within relationships in a later section.

Eliminating Stress

The word ‘stress’ is very commonly used nowadays. It is regarded as completely normal and acceptable to be stressed and to find daily life challenges ‘stressful’. If we recount a story of being in a traffic jam, not being able to find an item in a shop, being late for an appointment, etc., it wouldn’t be unusual for the listener to relate to how ‘stressed’ we must have felt, or what a ‘nightmare’ that was for us. This daily exchange is commonplace and would be considered completely normal. Conflict, aggression, hatred, arguing, shouting, criticising, finding fault, judging, complaining, feeling aggrieved, etc. is played out and encouraged as normal life on our TV screens and in our media every day. We are encouraged to feel annoyed. We are encouraged to feel worried. We are surrounded by people who have themselves been conditioned to believe that living with a certain amount of stress – ultimately fear and anger – is not only normal, but expected.

Society has become addicted to its own hormones of stress. It is so normal that we don’t see it as a problem at all. We join in with the complaining, with the worrying, with the anger, even though it doesn’t make us feel better and doesn’t solve anything. The majority of us are spending significant amounts of our lives living with stress. This means we are living in survival mode, living in lack. Our minds and bodies are unconsciously trying to get needs met that are more based on perceptions and habit than on actual real problems that need to be solved. This is not really living at all, we are spending too much time merely surviving.

Of course, in life, there will always be challenges, problems to solve, difficult situations to navigate, complications within relationships, etc. but modern society is a very different world to 30,000 years ago when the hormones of stress would have been essential to give us the feelings, the motivation, the energy and the instincts to help us survive dangerous situations. The primary role of the subconscious is to keep us alive. If we are regularly thinking thoughts of worry, fear, anger, annoyance – essentially, that we have a problem that needs solving – then we are sending a message to our minds and bodies that now is not the time to be at peace. Our minds and bodies react accordingly, releasing the hormones of stress into the system to give us the energy we need to get through the problem, so we can return to peace.

The problem is that these powerful chemicals are designed for short-term use, for times when we need to be on alert for potential danger or to deal with a real and present danger. These hormones make us focus completely on the perceived threat to the exclusion of all else. This is essential for our survival after all. The stronger we feel under threat, the more the conscious brain disengages. If the conscious brain is disengaged, it is the subconscious that is doing all the thinking. That is perfect if we are in actual, real, life-threatening danger. The subconscious works far more quickly than the conscious mind, and has every experience we have ever had stored and ready for rapid reference, so it is perfectly suited to the task.

However, in this modern, more secure, more comfortable world, I’m sure that most people would agree that they are rarely in a real, life-threatening situation. The challenges and difficulties we face nowadays are complex and nuanced and therefore may not have simple solutions, the kind the subconscious would come up with. Modern problems require complex thought. This requires the conscious brain to think through all the possible ramifications before we act. For our conscious brain to stay engaged, we need to be calm. It is part of our biology that, the stronger we feel an emotion, the more disengaged our conscious brains become, therefore the more our subconscious minds take over, therefore the more we run on instinct, therefore the less intelligent we become. This is the very opposite of what we need to live in the modern world.

It is also a function of our bodies that, the more we do something, the more the mind and body accepts it as normal and therefore expects it to reoccur. It is essential the the mind has some idea of what might be coming so it can plan for the energy it is going to need. If it is used to regularly releasing stress hormones into the blood stream, it is going to get habituated to them and then expect them to be there. If it was nicotine or heroin we were putting into our blood stream, we wouldn’t be surprised that we become addicted. It is time to realise that the more often we get stressed, the more stress chemicals are circulating in our system, the more the mind and body expect them to be there, the more we get habituated and ultimately addicted to our own stress hormones.

I believe we are seeing the evidence that society has largely become addicted to its own stress chemicals. This means we find it difficult to be truly at peace for very long because our own minds and bodies will start to send us messages that something is not right. Our own minds and bodies are reminding us that we should be worrying, we should be fearful, we should be annoyed, critical, judgemental, angry, etc. In the same way that a smoker or heroin addict craves the chemicals that are harming them, many in society, to varying degrees, crave the chemicals of stress. These chemicals which are designed for short-term use, for short-term crises, are powerful and extremely harmful when used excessively. The mind and body are designed to return to peace – the natural state. There is much evidence that we have it the wrong way round, and many are living as if stress is the natural state and peace is the short-term state they like to visit occasionally.

Peace in Relationships

30,000 years ago we lived in tribes. We knew our tribe and our place in it; we knew where we belonged. We knew that other tribes posed a threat and so we had our territory where we could relax and feel safe – where we could be at peace. If we felt a threat from another tribe invading our territory or compromising what we needed, we would have to take defensive and/or offensive action, to see off the threat and return to peace. We knew that the members of our tribe are our allies and the members of the other tribe are enemies. A simple dynamic to understand.

These days, we are born into a family that is likely to be a lot smaller than a tribe would have been. Even if we are born into a large family, it is unlikely that the members live together. We are therefore more isolated than we would have been thousands of years ago. This, in turn has meant that the wisdom of the older generations has largely been lost. (I am not saying that all elderly people are wise but, in times long ago, when life was simple, customs and practices that worked and were in tune with nature would have remained in place and passed on from generation to generation. In the modern world, often older generations pass on practice that is more based on emotional ignorance and fear than true wisdom. This then becomes a cycle that future generations have to try and break.)

The modern family dynamic is not such a simple concept of allies. Our ‘tribe’ is a much more complicated concept and will include anyone with whom we perceive ourselves to have positive associations. We may find that we have less in common with members of our family than we do with others from outside. We may also find that we are getting into regular conflict with our loved ones, be they parents, partners, siblings or children. If we start to understand the dynamics of conflict and how easily it can be triggered, we can then move on to understanding the dynamics of peace and what we can do to maintain more peaceful relationships.

Conflict always begins with one person’s ‘perception’ that they are under attack. The ‘attack’ could will come in the form of feeling judged, criticised, offended, belittled, ridiculed, etc. in some way but the operative word here is ‘perception’. The person who they perceive to have attacked them may not have intended an attack at all and may be completely oblivious to the effect of their actions or lack of action. The person who feels attacked will then instinctively react, defending themselves by launching their own counter-attack. The other person then feels they are being attacked – completely out of the blue as far as they are concerned – and so naturally slip into defend-and-attack mode also. Both parties here ‘know’ – in the heat of the moment – that they are the innocent one and that this conflict was started by the other. They had no choice but to defend themselves.

This concept is playing out in families, workplaces and in society at large wherever threat can be perceived. And it is very easy to feel threatened. As soon as we feel stress, in whatever form it may take, we enter into survival mode. We are no longer at peace. We are now in lack. We are dissatisfied. There is something we need to change for us to be able to return to peace. That’s what that stress feeling is telling us. Or is it? That, at least, is what we are perceiving. That is how we are interpreting our feelings. The trouble is, since we separated from being permanently in tune with nature, we have also lost touch with how to interpret feelings appropriately. Emotional ignorance is endemic, but that is not a recent development. When we moved away from living with nature, we also lost touch with our own true nature. I believe we at a crucial turning point in human evolution where the survival of the planet depends on the consciousness of humanity returning to a true awareness of living in peace.

So how do we change the dynamics within a given relationship where conflict keeps erupting. It just needs one person to change. If one person consciously chooses to be at peace with the other then they need to stay aware of the moment when threat is perceived and choose a different course of action to how it may normally play out. First, they must be fully clear that the other person is their ally and therefore it is ludicrous to ever enter into conflict. So, conflict can only arise if both parties partake, if there is tit for tat. They need to be aware that it may be themselves that perceive attack from the other. In this case, they must resist the urge to counter-attack and consciously take the time to think about why they are perceiving attack and what is the most appropriate course of action. If they notice the other person reacting, seemingly for no reason, they need to be aware that the other person has just perceived an attack. If there was no attack intended then that message needs to go out urgently so that peace can return.

Future peace

Many may think that it is human nature to compete against each other and fight (figuratively) to win each battle. Actually, this is not our human nature. This is our old animal nature. These actions are stemming from our subconscious instinctive templates. These actions occur when we enter into survival mode, driven by the hormones of stress. Human beings have been endowed with a brain that is capable of being conscious of itself. This sets us apart from animals but does not need to set us apart from nature. Human beings have created an amazing civilised society that makes it possible for us to have greater security and control over our lives. We should therefore be living with a greater sense of peace. I believe that we are entering into an era where learning to live in peace is not only now becoming possible, it is becoming essential for our survival on this planet.

Our greed for more. Our sense of being dissatisfied and constantly wanting more keeps us in survival mode. In survival mode, we are in competition and in conflict. We perceive threat where it may not actually exist. We struggle to be happy because we are comparing ourselves to those who seem to have more. The consciousness of humanity has to shift from a feeling of living in lack, to a feeling of living in abundance. We need to raise our understanding of ourselves, our emotions and our ability to use our conscious brains for good. We need to understand the dynamics of conflict and peace. We need to realise that we have so much. We have achieved so much. But our present state of mind results in us taking from nature – this planet – our home – at a faster rate than it can provide.

This planet can provide for all. To reach a point where we are living sustainably, in tune with our planet, we must live in peace. Living in peace means we feel satisfied. Living in peace means we want peace with everyone else. For others to be at peace with us, they must feel satisfied with what they have. We must therefore want them to have as good a life as we have. If we feel we are receiving a fair enough share in the tribe of humanity then we have no reason to enter into conflict. If we have no reason for conflict, we can lower our defences and relax. If we relax, we are no longer in survival mode living by the hormones of stress. We are now returning to our true nature of peace. Over the last 10,000 years, our ‘tribe’ has got larger. Whilst family units may have got smaller, we can now connect with other human beings from anywhere in the world. We can create our own tribe. It is clear to many that it follows that we are actually all part of the same tribe and so should therefore all be at peace.

I believe that it is becoming clear that nature set us free by endowing us with a brain that became capable of self-awareness. It was inevitable that we would separate ourselves from nature in search of greater security and control. All the conflict we have encountered was inevitable as we formed ever more civilised societies. We have reached a point where the majority of conflicts have been played out, territories have been established and societies have settled into a template designed to provide people with a sense of security and control over their lives. The data shows a continually decreasing trend in violence over the centuries – despite how it may appear in the micro view of our own lives. Humanity is, and always has been, trying to get back to peace, at the micro and the macro level. I believe the time is getting increasingly urgent that worldwide peace is pushed for.

It is time that we got back in tune with ourselves as individuals and in tune with ourselves as members of the human tribe. We can have it all but the solutions are not yet apparent. We can have the comforts of modern living if we work out what a sustainable model would look like. But we have to want it for all. We have to want every member of the human tribe to have the same as us. If the planet can’t afford that for everyone, then we need to want less. We can have comfort and modern living but we can’t keep taking more than the planet can give. We can’t be in conflict with the planet – the planet will easily win that battle. If we can get to a level of comfort that is achievable for all, then we can have everything that human intelligence has created whilst living sustainably and peacefully with all. Living in peace has always been the aim, with everything we have ever done. If we learn how to do this on a global scale, it will not only be humanity’s greatest achievement, but humanity’s inevitable destiny.

The complexities with moving to a new global paradigm where everyone wants the best for everyone else are currently beyond our imagination because we can only think through our current understanding of how the world works. What seems clear is that for complex systems to radically change for the better of all humanity, there has to be a strong will, and a very inarguable philosophy, underpinning the movement. We cannot wait for this realisation to come from our politicians or influential organisations, it has to start with ourselves. We have to take personal responsibility to prioritise our own ability to live in peace with everyone. We have to commit to the belief that we are all allies and all in the same tribe. Therefore, we have to personally eschew the instinct to separate and divide. When we criticise, ridicule and castigate groups of people, eg politicians, business leaders, the upper classes, we are separating them from us. Through our thoughts and words we are failing to live by our own beliefs.

It is possible to disagree with others whilst still being at peace with them. It is possible to disagree whilst trying to understand their viewpoint. In this complex society there will be situations where there are no simple solutions and no solutions that satisfy everyone. If we can remain in a state of peace with everyone, regardless of how they treat us, this is the only possible way that they may be able to lower their own defences. Traditionally, we have fought to get through our enemy’s defences. We have to enter a new era where we assure the other that they are not our enemy, we are at peace with them. We accept that they may not be at peace with us, and we protect ourselves if they are dangerous, but the time must come when we refuse to counter attack because we know we are attacking our own tribe.

The New Testament carries the powerful challenge to ‘turn the other cheek’ and ‘love your enemies’. I believe the salvation of humanity depends on us, as individuals, beginning to live that philosophy in our daily lives. If this were to begin to be lived at an individual level, and that influenced the dynamics of relationships, then the stress levels in society would began to fall. And if people were choosing to strive for peace in their hearts and minds, we would start to feel a groundswell that something was changing. The change from the individual up into society would then eventually start to effect change in the places where it is really going to count: politics, business, economics and the media. We cannot wait for the big institutions to change first because they are tied into the current paradigm. We need to learn that we only need to concern ourselves with our personal responsibility to live in ever more peace; this movement starts with I and, if we get it right, ends with everyone.